10/08/2025
Foundations
When it comes to foundations, having a stable one isn't something I'm particularly familiar with, but I'd like to try and take a shot building one. It's the least I could do for the model dinosaurs I've made. That aren't alive.
Terrariums are usually built on a 15-15-70% ratio(give or take); The first 15% is the first drainage layer. Its materials can be anything from river rocks to aquarium rocks, but it has to be composed of a material with significant space to allow water leakage between them. The second 15% layer is another drainage layer but is composed of a finer sand. This is to act as a natural filter, trapping the substrate from leaking into the first layer as well as catching nutrients that would otherwise become unobtainable. Now, these two layers are incredibly important; they help the terrarium from becoming water-logged, causing mold issues and root rot for the plants, keeping helpful bacteria contained in the ecosystem– all things you’d want to encourage a mini ecosystem to thrive. Unfortunately, things happened.
I went to a certain unnamed D.I.Y. store with my partner to pick out supplies and clearance plants that could: A, theoretically thrive in a terrarium, and B, represent older species of plants that could have existed along with Tyrannaids. I for sure needed a fern, but the others I just wanted to be of varying lengths so they weren’t competing for space in the terrarium as much. While we were going through them, my partner picked out one that he said he thought was cool, mostly because of its odd leaves. They were soft, yet slightly geometric; it had bumps on every leaf. It was a subtropical plant, specifically the Moon Valley Pilia, so I swore I’d try and give it a good home. Later, we accidentally ended up stealing a ten-pound bag of sand that was on sale. We always end up accidentally stealing things sitting in the bottom of our cart.
I built the terrarium with humidity in mind. I planned for the terrarium to be pretty consistently moist with the plants providing enough warmth to maintain a subtropical ecosystem, so the substrate I chose to be the main planting material is a mix of subtropical, water retention soil, orchid bark, and dried sphagnum moss which will help to hold moisture for long periods of time. I also got a bag of sand and opted to use the aquarium rocks that were left sitting in my aquarium post use. After shifting around the aquarium rocks to satisfaction (arranging them so they were flat), I went to retrieve the layer of sand from the garage. Upon opening it, I was hit with the most pungent and repulsive smell that ended up radiating in my sinuses for about a week. It was this horrid, sulfuric smell, which I now know was most likely caused by anaerobic bacteria which is only present with severe decay (thank you, Terraforums). After deciding I did not, in fact, want to uncover a mysterious decaying substance hidden within my sand, I chose to leave it out of the terrarium completely in case the bacteria would be overwhelming for the ecosystem.
When I talk about my past, or my family, or issues I face, I rarely look for sympathy, and more ask for understanding. I think, “well, maybe if this person knew these things about me, maybe they could understand me better.” I have spent a long time explaining myself to people; people who think for some reason I am different in some way. More often than not, it goes poorly. I’ve accepted that I’m many things: the biggest one is that I’m the living dead.
For context, for many reasons, I’m considered a “high risk” patient when it comes to depression. There was a period of time during my life that I have to carry with me, and while they’re slowly fading away, it’s a constant reminder of something I’ve forgotten. I have severe long-term memory loss caused by “chronic depression”, something I’ve been told I will deal with for the rest of my life. One of the most important things I've been told about this is that suicide is never an active choice, it's a symptom. I think people who don't experience suicidal ideation can forget that depression is an illness, there doesn't have to be a direct reason as to why someone commits or attempts suicide. The question of whether or not to commit suicide isn't a question to people who experience it as a symptom, it's to those who can actively make the choice without illness influencing it. It's perhaps this reason, as well as my identity, that my parents grieve someone who still exists. It isn't called a “deadname” for no reason. It's perhaps all of these reasons that I end up questioning my own foundation, and whether or not I've been given toxic sand to grow from.
After the choice to forgo the possibly toxic sand, I decided to compensate by adding more orchid bark to the substrate. Not only do these add a nice color to the mix, but they will also aid with irrigation by filling up space within the dirt and giving the plants something substantial to root around. I also added a rock water fountain (which will cause problems later). It was a squeeze to get every plant I picked out into the terrarium, and while they're large now, I'm hoping after some time to root I will be able to trim them back and make them a bit smaller, at least small enough so the Tyrannosaurids don't get too lost in the foliage. I then waited for around a week with constant watering from what I can only describe as an industrial water gun I accidentally picked out instead of a mister, and anxiously counted the days.
The fountain became a problem.
The terrarium was doing great. So great, in fact, that when I returned after a week the temperature had increased to be warmer than the house’s, which is around 75° Fahrenheit. I assume with the weathered experience I have (living primarily in Missouri) the inside of the terrarium is probably maintaining a little under an 85°, which indicates that the plants are in fact living and doing plant things, like taking in nutrients and performing photosynthesis. I really wanted the fountain to have an integral role, which would be to provide water and help the environment remain steady through cooling. However, the ecosystem proved to be more knowledgeable about itself than I did as it began to somehow siphon water from the fountain's reservoir, causing it to stop flowing after around 24 hours. There was now extra water in the soil, which made me concerned about the possible mold problem that could spring up from it. So I did as any rational human would do in that scenario: go moss hunting.
Moss is an incredible plant to add to a terrarium, and an easy one at that. It's extremely low maintenance; it gets its nutrients on water and is highly effective in its adaptability. Now, I'll admit, earlier I decided to add the detail about stealing sand from a hardware store, but that it was an accident. It's suspicious, yes, but I'm telling the truth. Just as I will tell you the truth, in that I went to my local park and moss hunted for around 45 minutes, fully committing to taking advantage of public property and stealing plants that are essential to the ecosystem. Don't worry, they won't miss them, and if you tell me you'll report me to the state, by telling you I did this you're now in this too. Going back to its essential nature, the moss should hopefully help the added moisture in the soil and on the fountain to prevent the other plants from becoming too water logged and putting them at risk for plant diseases.
I think one of the biggest issues that my family has with me is that I found sanctuary within transitioning. It's a heavily debated topic on whether or not transitioning helps with mental illness, and my answer to that is that it's not unlike moss. My identity sticks to me– grows on the corners and cracks of my life, giving me a chance to breathe when I'm drowning from it all. And while being who I truly need to be looks like a lit up carousel pushing away the darkness as I drive home, it gives me a comfort that I don't think anyone should have to live without. It's difficult to explain academically or in a philosophical fashion; to me it is as simple as an ecosystem needing the building blocks that make it so.
When I think about foundations, I can't help but think about the foundations of what makes us who we are. I think there are many reasons why things happen, whether they are working out or not. I think that we all need moss in our lives, and I hope the ones in my terrarium will thrive.
Terrariums are usually built on a 15-15-70% ratio(give or take); The first 15% is the first drainage layer. Its materials can be anything from river rocks to aquarium rocks, but it has to be composed of a material with significant space to allow water leakage between them. The second 15% layer is another drainage layer but is composed of a finer sand. This is to act as a natural filter, trapping the substrate from leaking into the first layer as well as catching nutrients that would otherwise become unobtainable. Now, these two layers are incredibly important; they help the terrarium from becoming water-logged, causing mold issues and root rot for the plants, keeping helpful bacteria contained in the ecosystem– all things you’d want to encourage a mini ecosystem to thrive. Unfortunately, things happened.
I went to a certain unnamed D.I.Y. store with my partner to pick out supplies and clearance plants that could: A, theoretically thrive in a terrarium, and B, represent older species of plants that could have existed along with Tyrannaids. I for sure needed a fern, but the others I just wanted to be of varying lengths so they weren’t competing for space in the terrarium as much. While we were going through them, my partner picked out one that he said he thought was cool, mostly because of its odd leaves. They were soft, yet slightly geometric; it had bumps on every leaf. It was a subtropical plant, specifically the Moon Valley Pilia, so I swore I’d try and give it a good home. Later, we accidentally ended up stealing a ten-pound bag of sand that was on sale. We always end up accidentally stealing things sitting in the bottom of our cart.
I built the terrarium with humidity in mind. I planned for the terrarium to be pretty consistently moist with the plants providing enough warmth to maintain a subtropical ecosystem, so the substrate I chose to be the main planting material is a mix of subtropical, water retention soil, orchid bark, and dried sphagnum moss which will help to hold moisture for long periods of time. I also got a bag of sand and opted to use the aquarium rocks that were left sitting in my aquarium post use. After shifting around the aquarium rocks to satisfaction (arranging them so they were flat), I went to retrieve the layer of sand from the garage. Upon opening it, I was hit with the most pungent and repulsive smell that ended up radiating in my sinuses for about a week. It was this horrid, sulfuric smell, which I now know was most likely caused by anaerobic bacteria which is only present with severe decay (thank you, Terraforums). After deciding I did not, in fact, want to uncover a mysterious decaying substance hidden within my sand, I chose to leave it out of the terrarium completely in case the bacteria would be overwhelming for the ecosystem.
When I talk about my past, or my family, or issues I face, I rarely look for sympathy, and more ask for understanding. I think, “well, maybe if this person knew these things about me, maybe they could understand me better.” I have spent a long time explaining myself to people; people who think for some reason I am different in some way. More often than not, it goes poorly. I’ve accepted that I’m many things: the biggest one is that I’m the living dead.
For context, for many reasons, I’m considered a “high risk” patient when it comes to depression. There was a period of time during my life that I have to carry with me, and while they’re slowly fading away, it’s a constant reminder of something I’ve forgotten. I have severe long-term memory loss caused by “chronic depression”, something I’ve been told I will deal with for the rest of my life. One of the most important things I've been told about this is that suicide is never an active choice, it's a symptom. I think people who don't experience suicidal ideation can forget that depression is an illness, there doesn't have to be a direct reason as to why someone commits or attempts suicide. The question of whether or not to commit suicide isn't a question to people who experience it as a symptom, it's to those who can actively make the choice without illness influencing it. It's perhaps this reason, as well as my identity, that my parents grieve someone who still exists. It isn't called a “deadname” for no reason. It's perhaps all of these reasons that I end up questioning my own foundation, and whether or not I've been given toxic sand to grow from.
After the choice to forgo the possibly toxic sand, I decided to compensate by adding more orchid bark to the substrate. Not only do these add a nice color to the mix, but they will also aid with irrigation by filling up space within the dirt and giving the plants something substantial to root around. I also added a rock water fountain (which will cause problems later). It was a squeeze to get every plant I picked out into the terrarium, and while they're large now, I'm hoping after some time to root I will be able to trim them back and make them a bit smaller, at least small enough so the Tyrannosaurids don't get too lost in the foliage. I then waited for around a week with constant watering from what I can only describe as an industrial water gun I accidentally picked out instead of a mister, and anxiously counted the days.
The fountain became a problem.
The terrarium was doing great. So great, in fact, that when I returned after a week the temperature had increased to be warmer than the house’s, which is around 75° Fahrenheit. I assume with the weathered experience I have (living primarily in Missouri) the inside of the terrarium is probably maintaining a little under an 85°, which indicates that the plants are in fact living and doing plant things, like taking in nutrients and performing photosynthesis. I really wanted the fountain to have an integral role, which would be to provide water and help the environment remain steady through cooling. However, the ecosystem proved to be more knowledgeable about itself than I did as it began to somehow siphon water from the fountain's reservoir, causing it to stop flowing after around 24 hours. There was now extra water in the soil, which made me concerned about the possible mold problem that could spring up from it. So I did as any rational human would do in that scenario: go moss hunting.
Moss is an incredible plant to add to a terrarium, and an easy one at that. It's extremely low maintenance; it gets its nutrients on water and is highly effective in its adaptability. Now, I'll admit, earlier I decided to add the detail about stealing sand from a hardware store, but that it was an accident. It's suspicious, yes, but I'm telling the truth. Just as I will tell you the truth, in that I went to my local park and moss hunted for around 45 minutes, fully committing to taking advantage of public property and stealing plants that are essential to the ecosystem. Don't worry, they won't miss them, and if you tell me you'll report me to the state, by telling you I did this you're now in this too. Going back to its essential nature, the moss should hopefully help the added moisture in the soil and on the fountain to prevent the other plants from becoming too water logged and putting them at risk for plant diseases.
I think one of the biggest issues that my family has with me is that I found sanctuary within transitioning. It's a heavily debated topic on whether or not transitioning helps with mental illness, and my answer to that is that it's not unlike moss. My identity sticks to me– grows on the corners and cracks of my life, giving me a chance to breathe when I'm drowning from it all. And while being who I truly need to be looks like a lit up carousel pushing away the darkness as I drive home, it gives me a comfort that I don't think anyone should have to live without. It's difficult to explain academically or in a philosophical fashion; to me it is as simple as an ecosystem needing the building blocks that make it so.
When I think about foundations, I can't help but think about the foundations of what makes us who we are. I think there are many reasons why things happen, whether they are working out or not. I think that we all need moss in our lives, and I hope the ones in my terrarium will thrive.
Works Cited
“Stinky Sulfur Bacteria in Soil.” TerraForums Venus Flytrap, Nepenthes, Drosera and More Talk, 3 Aug. 2009, terraforums.com/forums/threads/stinky-sulfur-bacteria-in-soil.119192/. Accessed 7 Oct. 2025.
“Stinky Sulfur Bacteria in Soil.” TerraForums Venus Flytrap, Nepenthes, Drosera and More Talk, 3 Aug. 2009, terraforums.com/forums/threads/stinky-sulfur-bacteria-in-soil.119192/. Accessed 7 Oct. 2025.
